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Partial Snatcher Screenplay 
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Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:29 am
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Post Partial Snatcher Screenplay
I was digging around my HD the other day and found the 1st act of my Snatcher screenplay. I never got around to finishing it cuz I thought it was no good. Anyway I've posted it here to see if you guys think I should continue.
Please let me know your thoughts about it if you care to read? :)

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Fri Aug 31, 2007 12:25 pm
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Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2005 8:29 am
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Post I Beg You
Please reply someone I really need the Snatcher communities input on this one! :)

Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:10 pm

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:01 am
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Location: Chicago, IL USA
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I'll read this and let you know. :)

You Know You DO!!! LOL! :lol:

Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:18 pm

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:01 am
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Location: Chicago, IL USA
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Post Okay I read it
I read you screen play this after noon. I liked the effort you made but over all I did not feel drawn into the world of Snatcher.

My comments are not meant for you to take and feel bad personally. I do not know you IRL so just remember that I am critiquing your script and not you nor your ability as a writer. Never take it personally! :) :wink:

When writing a script you need to expand the world and the source material a bit.

I'm not a screen writer but I know what I'd pay to see. Make it more of an action movie with the interpersonal drama and trust issues of the investigation the selling points.

Also the time line was off. You just seemed to follow the story telling of the VGs and not add to it and flush it out.

If I were to give Snatcher the screen play treatment here is some of what I'd do differently:

joeypete wrote:
Fade in- On ceiling mounted medical lighting array inside of Queen’s Hospital

Credits come on screen and scenes of skin graft surgery take place. C.O of masked doctor’s faces. Cut to operation and pan around the operating room.

Doctor: This is too much! Its your third goddamn time in less then 2 months. <keeps grafting> You did inadvertently solve my question tho. <sarcastically>The one about if all of the units activated were given the same minimal intelligence profile. The one that would tell them to have basic common sense and to just stay the hell out of direct sunshine most of the time so they can survive with minimal damage and get their work done. <finishes> Done… Sit up, get dressed and go.

Doctor takes a bottle off the shelf and looks at it. Then tosses it to the man.

Doc: Use this liberally on you skin. I don’t want to see you back here for at least 4 months. We are getting ahead after much work now and I don’t need ones like you to cost us. There is enough conflict as it stands. Now go. We have others to repair tonight.

Doctor’s eyes flash machine red and then change back to normal.

Cut to inside Gillian Seed’s Apartment. He is in shorts only and doing floor exercises and stretching. He gets done and takes a shower. He dresses in his clothes and trench coat like a detective form the 1930s. He walks to a Video phone and pauses- looking at it as if he will/wants to make a call. He shakes his head and turns away.

Seed: She’ll be there when ever I call. No rush… Not to just hear her voice again. <sighs> As if she feels the same way as I about things tho.

He goes to door and opens it. Then slams it back closed still inside his room.

Seed: <to self> What the hell are you doing? <shakes head> Ok, Ok… They asked for you. Get it done and get ahead with this. Might as well see if this can jump start the grey matter and make things clearer.

Seed opens the door and goes out.

Cut to Gillian seed walking the busy streets of Neo Kobe at night. Crowd shot / overhead and showing him walking and looking. He stands out a bit with his dress. More then Retro it seems dated.

POV shot of Seed looking at all the action on the street.

Seed goes up some stairs and stands on landing pad for some flying vehicle. Area is marked “off limits to general public” by a floating hologram sign. 2 Cops are in the back ground. One walks toward him.

Seed: <looking down and out at the Neo Kobe Skyline and all the action and bright lights and such> This is one unreal time for me to find myself living in… With out question.

Seed hears the cop walking up behind him.

Seed: Hello!

Seed turns and smiles at the cop who seem startled and impressed at Seeds awareness and reflexes.

Cop: Evening! I presume that you are Mr. Gillian Seed?

Seed: I am.

Cop: Mr. Seed, you’re right on time. Your Turbo Cycle will be landing here in one minute and it will take you to your stop.

Seed: Great! <smiles>

Cop: <making small talk>You know, I respect that you will be joining up with them. That takes some balls, Mr. Seed. I wish I could find it in me to have drive like that. What lets a man step up for the task, and to be accepted, well sought after to join in your case, for that duty I’ll never know.

Seed: Oh?

Cop: Yes sir! You have my respect. I hope that you and the rest of the units will be able to get a handle on and end the issue as fast as can be done. That’s quite a step for a man to take Mr. Seed. Best to you!

Seed: <smirking> So do you know something I don’t know?

Cop: Well… Sir… I mean only that…

Turbo cycle lands and Seed walks to it and gets in.

Seed: Its okay officer! I know what you meant! And about what lets a man take the task…

Cop: Yes sir?

Seed: I’d personally just figure that I might as well go to it. I’ll get to make some new memories for my self all the while I’m at it-I that’s good enough for me at this point. <smiles>

Door closes and the turbo Cycle flies up and off.

Cop: <Yelling over the noise> GOOD LUCK TO YOU MR SEED!!!

2nd Cop comes over

2nd Cop: <in a smart ass voice> Yeah, just to keep alive for a week as part of them he’ll need all the luck one can give out to him. Good luck indeed…

Turbo cycle flies off

Inside of cycle Gillian’s monologue VO stars and his face is shown and the city zips by below

Seed: Too many people would say that its incorrect to speak of the future as now. That its odd grammar and just nonsensical. For me however this “now” is the future. How I am today at my age with my body- I would not be here to see this is events that I cannot fully understand did not transpire. I never knew that I could feel so indifferent to being at the end of some string and know that at the other end pulling it is something one can call fate.

I know one thing tho. The answer to a question that seems odd of me to even think of asking. “Does the technology of man, which comes from his mind, ever stand the chance to surpass that mind of his” ? “No” would seem like the answer. With all this technology I find around me in this future today I now live in, there is still no piece of technology to help my mind. Nothing to clear up this amnesia I’ve had since I was first awakened.

The fact that I would think such a question must of some tickle of a clue to who I was before I found my self here. Some one who would be inclined to thing thoughts like that.

<speaks aloud> They came to you Gillian. They wanted you after all….

<VO monologue continues> That I would be sought out and given a good job and have my living paid for my this government means that I must have been some one really of value before. The kind of man who had others working for him no doubt. Now I get to go work for/with a group of others I do not know.

Wonder if they all had amnesia as well? <laughs> The question I now need to answer is who will I be working with? I’ll find how soon enough tho. All things in time… Memories among those things, for me, I hope.

Cut to out side of factory and Gibson and Little John walking the perimeter. Gibson has his gun out.

Gibson: Little John, were going in.

LJ: Caution! Movement detected. You should wait for back up.

Gibson: Can you transmit?

LJ: No. The signal is being jammed my airborne contaminates.

Gibson: Snow 9?

LJ: I cannot say. Only that there is interference.

Gibson: So we go in to find out! I’m this close and damn it all if I’ll stall out now.

LJ and Gibson enter through a side door.

Inside is dark and LJ and Gibson move along the walls and Gibson has his gun at ready.

LJ: Movement ahead! 2 human forms.

Gibson: Train you long range mic on them. I need to hear.

LJ: Parabolic microphone targeted and active.

The sound of electric noise is heard like old dial up modems is heard.

Gibson: Little John, is that what is being said? From those 2?

JL: Yes, that is the spoken dialogue form the 2 men ahead.

Gibson smiles.

Gibson: No human talks nor can even make noises like that! Little John we got them this time! I have them!<grins in an evil way> YES! Little John, can you get a signal to transmit yet.

LJ: Negative.

Gibson: Damn! Little John, record my message and out position and transmit it over and over again in 15 second intervals till you get it up. I’m not going to lose them now!

LJ: Ready to record message.

Gibson: This is Gibson! Little John had sent the position data. I am in contact with two possible Snatchers. Better then good that its just a “possible”! Send me back up to… <Rattling above on ceiling and an Insector falls down and Gibson rolls out of the way just in time> SHIT!!

Gibson fires at it and it doges and he fires again and kills it. 12 more scurry into view and start to fire.

Gibson: Little John keep close and start sending the message! Send a distress signal too! NOW!!!

Gibson flips and cartwheels out of the fire of the insectors and dives from cover to cover in a shoot out. Like the lobby scene in the Matrix. Gibson shoots and kills half the Insectors. Have slow motion and zoom on a few when he lines up a kill shot on it and fires.

A large male Snatcher suddenly from the shadows jumps out and grabs Gibson in a bear hug. He crushes him and Gibson groans but holds his gun. The snatcher grabs both Gibson’s wrists and pulls his arms up and out to the sides and picks him up off the ground like he is on the cross.

Snatcher crushes Gibson’s wrists and Gibson drops the gun.

2nd Snatcher appears and hit Gibson in the gut. Gibson spits blood. The 2nd snatcher gabs LJ and hold him up. He looks at him like LJ is a toy them calmly and cruelly pulls off one of LJ’s legs. Then the other and he crushes and drops LJ to the ground.

Both snatcher’s eyes go machine red and they look at Gibson.

Snatcher 1: He is skilled for an older man.

Snatcher 2: He was skilled! <2nd snatcher twisted each arm in the opposite direction and Gibson screams in pain>

Snatcher 1: He is one of the few that have gotten close to how things are shaping up. The curse of being clever human! The more you know, the more your knowing takes the form of a feeling <snatcher 1 grabs Gibson’s left knee and Gibson winces in pain> And that feeling HURTS!!! <snatcher 1 grabs and crushes Gibson’s knee and Gibson yells in agony>

Gibson: <in pain but still being tough> …Just…Just Scrap Metal! Soon you will all just be scrap metal and rusted into nothing! <Gibson spits blood in the face of the Snatcher>

Snatcher 1: You and the rest of your team can choose to believe which ever lie lets you keep on going in your loosing game. You and your….

Snatcher 2: Him and all the Junkers!

Snatcher 1: The Junk MEN! <laughs> You and yours- are all trash, Junk Men! <Snatcher 1 grabs Gibson right knee and crushes it- Gibson howls!>

Snatcher 1 grabs Gibson’ left elbow and holds it

Snatcher 1: Broken Junk NOW!!! <he snaps Gibson’s elbow!> Useless JUNK!!!

Snatcher 1 takes and crushes the right arm of Gibson too. Gibson yells in pain and almost passes out.

Snatcher 2 : Scum! Kill it! KILL IT!

Snatcher 1: He’s helpless now. And in so much pain… Why end his sufferings now? <snatcher 1 laughs and slaps Gibson’s face in a mocking way> I’ll kill this one when we leave. He can live in misery for a bit longer- serves him right! We still have the affair to attend to and its late so our business needs to be concluded sooner not later tonight.

Snatcher 1 grabs Gibson by the collar and snatcher 2 drops him. Snatcher 1 drags Gibson along the ground and props him up/ leaning him against the steel support column of the factory.

Scanter 2: Find if there are others! <talks like a modem to the shadows and the insectors buzz and go off into the night to search for more people>

Gibson’s face CO. Gibson’s VO
Gibson: Katrina I’m sorry…

Flash back to a montage of Gibson and his daughter Katrina have fun and being together as father and daughter.

Gibson VO: Katrina I’m sorry…

Cut to outside a nightclub. A hot, rich person’s night club. A long line and at its front two huge muscled doormen and one small nerdy man who is arguing with them.

Man: If you knew who I was you’d let me in. This is all a mistake so why don’t you let me pass and go inside and I’ll clear it up form there.

Doorman 1: Get your sorry “But I am somebody” ass to the very back of that long line!

Doorman 2: “If you knew who I was” around here just means you can fucking wait a long time!

Cut to up the street and a snatcher running and looking back behind him.

Snatcher: Damn this one!

Random Hajile is chasing the snatcher and has his gun drawn.

Man: Fuck you two!

Bouncers look pissed and move in over the man.

Man: <stammers to find words> If I was some hot tits and ass tall blonde model you’d let me right in wouldn’t you?

Doormen laugh together

Doorman 1: If you could afford the cost of an operation to change you sorry mousy ass into a tall hot tits and ass blonde model THEN you would be some one who could already afford to be inside and be in he VIP!

Both doormen laugh.

Snatcher runs up and pushes the man aside.

Doorman 1: STOP! You won’t get….

Snatcher (who is regular man size) grabs both doormen and throws them like they are pillows to the opposite sides of the sidewalk.

Snatcher hit the doors and they break inward at the hinges.

Snatcher goes inside.

Random runs up.

Random sees the snatcher when inside the club and all the people out side are in shock.

Random: Damn, this one! <he laughs>

Random goes in with his gun drawn. People move back and women yell and some duck and Random makes his way inside. His weapon is ready and sweeps back and forth over the crowd.

Near a star case to the side another doorman goes flying into the air. Random runs to that area. The crowd starts to yell and scatter.

A guard sees Random with his gun out.

Staff man: That one has a weapon! Grab Him!!

4 Security men attack Random. Still holding his gun but not firing it nor using it he doges punches and kicks and he kicks out knees and martial arts hits necks and pressure points and Judo grabs one’s arm and tosses him and upper cuts another all with one arm and not breaking a sweat.

Random hit the stairs and jumps to the middle of the long stair case another guard dives for him but he jumps over the man and lands on top.

Random has gun ready and sweeps landing of VIP section. He hears a lady scream.

2 Ladies come out of side lounge room- pushed at the neck by the Snatcher. His head in behind theirs so no shot for Random

Snatcher: Just leave me be! If not- THEY WILL DIE!

Random: I don’t care!

S: I’ll kill them!

R: Then I’ll kill you after!

S:<scared ad frustrated> Junker I know that you can’t…

Random cuts him off.

R: WRONG! You are so wrong on that one!

A guard picks up a chair and from behind the snatcher hits him in the back and splinters the chair.
Snatcher pushes the women forward and Random tries to get a shot.

R: No Shot! Girls, MOVE!!!

Random sways his aim but the sacred women are frozen. The Snatcher, not even turning around to see his attacker, back fists the guard who hit him with the chair and the guard’s head explodes into gory bits from the impact.

Another guard picks up a table that has one steel post leg and a bottom disc and lunges at Random.

R: NO! Wait!

The guard keeps his attack.

Random puts up his hand and stops the disc and pole and them the pole collapses in like a accordion folding. The guard is stunned and backs off.

The snatcher blows a kiss to Random and then turns and twist flips off the balcony into the cord below.

The people scream as he jumps. He lands and runs over to the bar and jumps it and goes to the back room.

Ransom jumps off too. The people scream again. Just like the Snatcher did and then he lands and follows where he went.

In the back room Random runs around a corner and comes face to face with a shot gun barrel and a big guard holding it.

Guard: That’s as close as you come! Fucking trouble maker!

Random quickly side steps the front of the shotgun and stepping to the side, still moving forward, in one move crashes into the big guard with a head but. The guard falls down and is out. Random leaves to the alley.

CO on the face of Snatcher’s he is running. Eyes go red, mouth opens and a barrel of a gun comes out a bit.

Snatcher is running away. Random fires a shot at him. Snatcher leaps to the wall, sideways and wall grabs it squatting on all fours like Spider man would.

Snatcher leaps off again and fires form his mouth. Random rolls to the side and fires back., Snatcher leaps over it and fires back. Random twist dodges the shoots while firing low and hit the snatcher in the knee.

Snatcher falls and Random shoot dives low, leaping over a shot form the snatcher, and when landing on his belly fires and hit the snatcher in the gut and then shoots again and hit him in the head. snatcher falls on his back.

2 police turbo cycles now are over head and flash red and blue lights and star to descend. Random walks to the snatcher on his back, he stands over it, and calmly looks down at it and smiles.

Hearing the sires the snatcher talks.

S: Those your pals? Or tonight they may be mine. Come down to save me… You know that it is only a little more-

BANG!! Ransom shoots the Snatcher in its face/head and kills it not wanting to hear it talk anymore.

The cops land and 4 come out with machine guns drawn and aimed at Random.

Cop 1: HALT!! Police! Stop moving!!!

Cop 2: Place you weapon on the ground slowly and kick it away! We have you locked and you are out gunned! Put your weapon down NOW!!!

Random puts his gun down and kicks it away to the side wall of the alley.

Head Cop: <to other cops> Keep easy on him! We don’t know yet!

Cop 3: <nervous one> Keep Still You! Don’t move!

Cop 1: Get on your knees slowly! Any fast moves and I will loving being the man to kills you!

Random gets to his knees and smirks.

R: Just doing your duty… I’m sure!

Cop 1: I saw the video feed of what you did to that club cowboy! Just give me the reason to fire! GIVE ME ONE!

Cop 2: On your belly and hand behind you back!

Random does not move any more, he does not get on his belly.

Cop 3 is closest to the dead snatcher.

Cop 3: Jesus!

Head Cop: What!?

Cop 3: Shit! That man he shot… He is a THAT! He’s an ‘it’! A what the fuck do you call it! One of those things!

Cop 1: Cuff this Wild Bill Fuck!

Head Cop: Officers! Hold it!

All stop moving.

Head Cop goes to see the dead snatcher.

Head Cop: Shit! These things are everywhere! FUCK!

R: I should get my reward money now. Not this anti hero’s welcome. Seeing how things are in this city now and the policy in place that is the way it will work out. Right Officer? I’m just trying to earn a living here after all. <smiles warmly to the head cop>

Head Cop: Wait! Stay where you are!

Cop 2: He’s no Junker!

R: Right! The pays no good! And I never could keep 9 to 5 hours.

Head Cop goes to the wall where Random’s gun was kicked too.

Head Cop: Christ! This is a cannon! Even Junkers don’t have hardware this powerful. If you can afford to be carrying this monster around then you must be…

R: Yes!

Cop 3: Is it dead?

Cop 3 nervously looks at the snatcher body.

Cop 3: They can’t come back to life right?

R: Not when I killed it how I did this one. My kill, so I get the credit and the money! Got it!

Random stars to stand up from off his knees.

Cop 1 :FREEZE!!

Head Cop: No! Let him up!

Head cop holds Random’s gun and walks over to him.

Head Cop: He’s a bounty hunter!

R: As of now THE bounty hunter. <smiles>

Head Cop: Scan him for ID.

Cop 2: Hold out your palm.

Random puts his hand over a PDA type scanner.

Cop 2: Yes, he is the bounty hunter. Mister you will be paid in full for your accomplishment of this one tonight <points to dead snatcher> You account is on file with us.

Head cop: Here!

Head cop gives the gun to Random. Random spins it by the trigger guard an puts it in his hostler.

R: Nice to meet up with you all! Have a nice evening gentlemen, I trust you’ll do the clean up. If it were my call I’d say just toss it in the river and be down with it. But you are much more by the book-I’m sure.

Head Cop: You can go bounty hunter.

Cop 1: <smart ass way> I’m sure the club you demolished will very much like to meet you and take some of the bounty to pay for damages.

R: Yeah, but who’s going to tell them who I am? <laughs> One working man to another - when was the last time a guy like you or me was let into a big dollar, sexy gold digger hang out club like that? Seems the only way to get in a party was the way I crashed it!

All but Cop 1 laugh at that.

Cop 2: He’s fine Rick! Let it be!

R: See you gentlemen! Keep on the good fight! <winks and walks away>

Cop 1 looks at the PDA Cop 2 is holding and reads the ID.

Cop 1: Jesus! It was HIM!

Cop 3 goes over and looks to.

Cop 3: WOW! Sarge! It was him! Wow…

Cop 1: Yeah, the son of a bitch is fast stepping into legend around this city. Killing all those un killable metal psycho things and what not. Got to respect that much.

Cop 3:Wow! Random Hajile….

(all I wrote)

Just some of my fan fiction intro to how a movie would be . :P

Let your imagination go BIG and add things and make the world and it players come alive.

Don't introduce Jamie too soon. Also if I were doing it I'd have Mika and Gillian hook up. He'd even fuck her ass! :lol: Metal would make some smart ass remark on Gillian's sex habits too.

Alot of sexual tension with Mika and Gillian. Mika find outs form Gillian that he is married to Jamie only AFTER he fucks her 1st. He does so to try and forget Jamie and start clean. It does not work tho.

Metal would be more the 'buddy cop' role. Make Gillian have more moral choices too. Like how to deal with the junkie sky surfer who he trough he was a snatcher at first. Does he abuse him at all?

Add action- like the Cab driver fight. I'd make that where the cab driver takes them to a side street and more snatchers are there and it a a 4 on one fight. Lots of action!

Also I'd have Junker HQ have like 120 Junkers on staff. And Mika is one of many assistant assigned to squads of Junker units (6 man teams). Each paid in 2- supposed to be Gibson and Seed.

Tho each day like 7-12 Junkers are killed by snatches! Like they are being targeted (they are). Not just the Chief in a Snatcher too. At least 5 Junkers are as well. So there is a alot of tension with Gillian and others being in a vulnerable spot and could they get whacked at any time?!

Anyway these are just a few of my ideas to add to the story telling of the snatcher world.

It won't be a live action movie- but make it into an Anime or CGI Film. Hell even Flash would make it good.

If you did a full script I'd critique that. With a finished script you could try and get the rights form Konami even to make it an Anime.

Good luck! :cool:

You Know You DO!!! LOL! :lol:

Sat Sep 15, 2007 12:06 am
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Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:22 am
Posts: 15
Location: Illusion City
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Gibson doing a cartwheel seems a bit out of character to me.

Sat Sep 15, 2007 8:47 am
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